Again ... Rummaging

The truth is that I never forgot any of it, because the intensity with which I lived those months, I had never lived in any of the previous years and not in the future, and probably never will. How can anyone be happy as ever and broken at the same time? I was like in those months I was with him, but then it was just part of the broken ... I was happy and broken at the same time, because deep down I knew it would end faster than I wanted to accept. From the beginning our song was "Broken Strings" ... And I know just how that was the most beautiful that could have ended ... There were no fatigue, no limits, no fights, there was nothing different about what I expected it would be. And so, without distress, simply snatch. My pieces flew everywhere and even today I try, I'll never see many. Because I was never the same after that.

And even after all these years without seeing him, even after all these years without knowing anything about him, even after all these years without feeling anything but grief, it still haunts me. And the ghosts of the possibilities of what could have become what make me finished in a few days. Mourning tires, tires being drowned in memories. I have a very large luggage, despite being too young ... And I know it was because of this that he was gone even before there wear. He was afraid to give me security and then leave me to die. Then he left me before I could believe that this was all really true, he left me before so I do not cling ... But I clung and died anyway. Because I was never the same after that.

Every day I try to think of that time as a happy time in my life that existed, but when you stop to think about everything that happened that time, I just have anger and despair. There are days when I want to get out of my own body, because I simply can not bear the burden of these memories ... I was supposed to have been happy, I was supposed to have been loved. The problem is that I love too much and forget that people are not like me. So, they go away, or expel me ...

The truth is that I always needed a man, ever. But boys were just what came to me through time and it was never enough. I want more, I always wanted more. I want so much that people have

had enough and leave. So I learned to rely on myself, because I can only comfort this war in my head, because there is nobody else who feels that.

I always wanted to be free, but always wanted to find someone who imprison me. I always wanted to be trapped in love, I always wanted assurances that it would be forever. Freedom is a benefit, but it brings to your life other kinds of bondage ... You never think you're good enough, you always feel that something is missing. I fell on the road a few times, but sometimes when I fell I could feel what it is like to be alone. I always felt alone during my whole life, but when it hits the road is another kind of loneliness ... It is mixed with fear freedom, self-reliance and vulnerability. Yes, it is crazy.

I am troubled, but always try to do the best for myself and the people around me. I'll always be a hopeful person, because that's all that sustains me. I realized today that I am not alone, because my memories are always with me, clinging, disturbing my head, annoying me, making me cry ... That's the price you pay for wanting to be free. You live with your soul in the future, but the head in the past, always coming back to the same film reviewing and decorated all over again, every detail, every failure, every sign that could have been wonderful. But ... If my soul is in the future and the past in my head ... Where am I really?