I miss knowing that I had a home. To know that I had a house and everything was fine. It has been long since I do not feel at home. Feel at home is not just being at home, it feels comfortable to say what you feel out loud and still have people to talk to you about it, and not quarrel with you for having spoken certain things. Talking and fighting is different from being on the defensive all the time, unable to lower the shield or a little bit you want. Feel at home is to feel welcomed and loved equally by all the people around you. You know they will always be by your side for anything. Feel at home is a very different thing from what I've been feeling for 5 years. I have no home. Long time I no longer have. I live in one, but I never felt part of it.
Maybe a house is not a place but a person like a certain book says that I love. Perhaps no place can make you feel welcomed when you're with the person who makes you feel that way. You can be anyone. In the rare moments that I get very close to the feeling of being at home in that house, is when I'm talking to my mother about anything, or when we are alone, only my blood: I, my mother and my brothers. I feel that way when I'm with my father, on the rare times I'm with him ... But beyond that, the shield is erected at all times.
But when you meet a person that makes you feel at home, although not of his family, all the love and companionship that you have for each other, creating an atmosphere of familiarity that is equivalent to a home. Then suddenly you do not need a place to feel at home, only one person. I really want to find that person that's out there waiting for me, waiting to feel at home just as I am. Hopefully not too long, so I can get back the feeling of having a home.
Maybe a house is not a place but a person like a certain book says that I love. Perhaps no place can make you feel welcomed when you're with the person who makes you feel that way. You can be anyone. In the rare moments that I get very close to the feeling of being at home in that house, is when I'm talking to my mother about anything, or when we are alone, only my blood: I, my mother and my brothers. I feel that way when I'm with my father, on the rare times I'm with him ... But beyond that, the shield is erected at all times.
But when you meet a person that makes you feel at home, although not of his family, all the love and companionship that you have for each other, creating an atmosphere of familiarity that is equivalent to a home. Then suddenly you do not need a place to feel at home, only one person. I really want to find that person that's out there waiting for me, waiting to feel at home just as I am. Hopefully not too long, so I can get back the feeling of having a home.
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