Today I went to group therapy. My aunt wanted to take me to try and see if I liked so I did. No one can know how to not try it?
I confess that I was not (I'm) very comfortable with the idea of telling things about my life to strangers. There is something very easy for me. I find it peculiar, but I was still trying to undo the ill opinion I have about the therapy group ...
The people there had nothing to do with me. Nothing. They were all old, some have even grandfathers and grandmothers, of problems with baggage of a lifetime and beyond childhood and adolescence. While I was there just a girl of 17 who never came close to getting married and having children much less and that the only significant thing he did today was out of his mother's house (I ignore the fact that I I did this month?). Anyway, I was pathetic there. But was there. Feeling ridiculous, but I was.
Three people in the group were psychologists, and the psychologist group coordinator. It was very strange. A very strange situation for me. I spent most of the meeting quietly while listening to stories of someone who had an abusive, alcoholic father, the other telling as it was frustrated with his life because he never managed to take off in his career, someone with too much varied and unexplained fears, other than fights his excessive self-condemnation, because it was created by extremely puritanical grandparents ... I felt really pathetic there and I could see through those people, I did not experience anything. Or almost nothing. There pro end of the meeting, the coordinator who charged through for me to say something and I said the basics. What he and the other was just telling me now that I'm living with my grandparents, may have to deal with something that most people do not feel comfortable: loneliness.
I think in the end, this meeting was more harmful than beneficial, because it just reinforced an idea in my head, that deep down I already knew. You know, I love the company of my grandparents, but we are very different generations, so it's not all I can talk to them ... I miss my mother and my brothers, I miss the few friends I have. Alone as I have been feeling for some time, but was not that kind of loneliness, it was different. I like to be alone sometimes, but do not confuse loneliness with time itself, because it has nothing to do.
I am here and I am facing so many things within the same time, but I will not give up. Regress does not suit me, is something that is not within my reach. I will not give up my dreams and I will not go back. I swore to myself when I was a child, on a day out of the house of my mother, never coming back. Even at that time the reasons for my wanting to leave were different now, the determination in the background remains the same. And that's exactly how it will be.
I've changed in so many things as I grew older, but the main remained very firm in here: the need to be free, the need to fulfill my dreams, the need to find one true love, the need to be happy. Therefore, these desires are the essence of the reason for my life. That is all I seek. This is all part of my life, but never did give up, never will.
- Posted on January 18, 2012.
I confess that I was not (I'm) very comfortable with the idea of telling things about my life to strangers. There is something very easy for me. I find it peculiar, but I was still trying to undo the ill opinion I have about the therapy group ...
The people there had nothing to do with me. Nothing. They were all old, some have even grandfathers and grandmothers, of problems with baggage of a lifetime and beyond childhood and adolescence. While I was there just a girl of 17 who never came close to getting married and having children much less and that the only significant thing he did today was out of his mother's house (I ignore the fact that I I did this month?). Anyway, I was pathetic there. But was there. Feeling ridiculous, but I was.
Three people in the group were psychologists, and the psychologist group coordinator. It was very strange. A very strange situation for me. I spent most of the meeting quietly while listening to stories of someone who had an abusive, alcoholic father, the other telling as it was frustrated with his life because he never managed to take off in his career, someone with too much varied and unexplained fears, other than fights his excessive self-condemnation, because it was created by extremely puritanical grandparents ... I felt really pathetic there and I could see through those people, I did not experience anything. Or almost nothing. There pro end of the meeting, the coordinator who charged through for me to say something and I said the basics. What he and the other was just telling me now that I'm living with my grandparents, may have to deal with something that most people do not feel comfortable: loneliness.
I think in the end, this meeting was more harmful than beneficial, because it just reinforced an idea in my head, that deep down I already knew. You know, I love the company of my grandparents, but we are very different generations, so it's not all I can talk to them ... I miss my mother and my brothers, I miss the few friends I have. Alone as I have been feeling for some time, but was not that kind of loneliness, it was different. I like to be alone sometimes, but do not confuse loneliness with time itself, because it has nothing to do.
I am here and I am facing so many things within the same time, but I will not give up. Regress does not suit me, is something that is not within my reach. I will not give up my dreams and I will not go back. I swore to myself when I was a child, on a day out of the house of my mother, never coming back. Even at that time the reasons for my wanting to leave were different now, the determination in the background remains the same. And that's exactly how it will be.
I've changed in so many things as I grew older, but the main remained very firm in here: the need to be free, the need to fulfill my dreams, the need to find one true love, the need to be happy. Therefore, these desires are the essence of the reason for my life. That is all I seek. This is all part of my life, but never did give up, never will.
- Posted on January 18, 2012.
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